Herald Diary: We’re with King Charles – leaky pens are annoying

OBSERVANT David Russell from Penicuik noticed that the Royal Air Force plane which undertook the solemn flight from Edinburgh to London carrying the late Queen had as its registration number: ZZ177.

Mulling this over, David suddenly realized how this number would read if looked upon upside down… “Coincidence or pure genius?” marvels our reader.

Rocky request

WE’RE recalling embarrassing visits to the boozer.

Reader Jim Morrison had a stint in the Merchant Navy. A fellow cadet named Dave was once on leave in Bognor Regis when his father generously offered to take him for a tipple.

The two chaps visited the bar of a swanky hotel, where the older man asked what his son would like to drink.

Trying to be sophisticated, Dave requested a vodka on the rocks.

Dad strolled over to the bar where a white coated barman was in attendance.

“Half of bitter and a vodka on the rocks please,” he said, before calling to his son: “Dave, d’you want ice in this?”

Dave was too mortified to reply.

Villain vilified

A MILNGAVIE reader spotted a white van with a sign on the back door which haughtily stated: ‘Don’t steal my tools! I need them to pay your benefits.’ Pendemonium KING Charles recently vented his frustration at a leaky fountain pen.

Dan Austin from Falkirk commiserates with the exasperated Head of State, and says: “I’ve always hated using that type of pen, ever since my wife cruelly gave me one as a birthday present.”

Adds our reader: “I assume the pen got its name because anyone writing with one always ends up gushing a fountain of expletives while the pen splatters your hand with ink.”

Hey, you… Jimmy?

CRIME scribe Chris Brookmyre had a friend who worked behind the counter in a record shop in the early 90s.

He was once asked by a lady if the store stocked the new single by Jimmy McGuire.

The salesman admitted he’d never heard of this musician.

To which the customer responded: “You must know him. Jimmy McGuire. Little guy. Big hat.”

She was referring to funky 90s band… Jamiroquai.

Royal jelly

WE’RE wondering what food should mark King Charles’s coronation.

“A regal jelly,” suggests reader Nicola Manley. “After all, the royal family has endured some wobbly moments in the past. With Charles in charge, it’s bound to suffer a few more.”

Majestic mound

“DESPITE warnings to the contrary,” says reader Janet Travers, “I’d actually be rather impressed if I saw a hill of beans.”

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